About the author


Joy Harris

Joy studied elementary education before going on to teach at the primary school level as well as homeschooling for twenty-six years. Joy has touched the lives of thousands through her ministry in state Religious Education, Sunday Schools, and Holiday Bible Clubs as well as through her speaking at various seminars and retreats. Joy is also a gifted musician and has collaborated on multiple recording projects as well as maintaining a private teaching studio for over thirty years. Joy currently does missions support spreading her time between Uganda, Vanuatu, and her home in Australia. Joy has seven children and twenty grandchildren. You can contact Joy at


  1. avatar


    Hi Joy,

    Thanks for writing these. I’m enjoying it.

    i’m wondering about this though…

    You wrote, ” keep her from pursuing her career. If she has a job, he will sabotage it.”

    Please can you clarify…

    Are you suggesting that women with kids should forsake their responsibilities in order to pursue careers outside the home?

    If so, awesome.

    I’m kinda sick of wiping bums all day.


    Thanks Joy.


    1. avatar


      Thanks for your question! It’s actually on a different subject, but I will try to clarify for you in relation to abusers.

      These posts, so far, have presented information and definitions that apply both to saved and unsaved homes.

      Many couples meet in high school or uni/university (I’m not sure whether you speak American English or UK English – ha!) and a controlling boyfriend may selfishly insist they get married next summer, for example, instead of waiting until she graduates as she wants. “If you love me …” “You won’t need a teaching degree anyway cause you’ll be a stay-at-home mum.” (A teaching degree will greatly aid in being a mum/mom, incidentally!) Barefoot and pregnant, as the saying goes, and so dependant on him, that if he dies OR leaves her OR she needs to leave him, she knows she has no skills and won’t make it financially on her own. So she’s trapped and that’s right where he wants her.

      Or she has no outside job, but she is often asked to play for weddings and it’s time to leave. She’s dressed and heading out the door and he calls to her and starts talking about a random subject without allowing interruption. Inside, she’s screaming, “I have to go! I can’t be late for THIS!” To him, she meekly ventures forth, “I’m so sorry to interrupt, but would you mind if we continue this conversation when I get back? The wedding can’t start without me and there will be 200 people there waiting?” To which he replies, “You go when I say you can go,” and continues on and on for another half hour, literally! That’s sabotaging her ‘job’. Or it may be making her late for teaching her Sunday School class or for choir, orchestra practice, ladies meeting, etc.

      If she is employed outside the home, he’ll make her late, call her all the time, making the boss think she’s always on the phone instead of doing her job, leave the gas/petrol tank empty, veto an occasional need to work overtime or rant and lecture her about what a horrible wife she is if she does work overtime. There are countless ways.

      They could have no kids and she could want to take classes during the time that he’s off at work, but the husband says no because it lessens his control. If he decides to allow it, he will check up on her, accuse her of having an affair with another student and all kinds of bizarre claims, making her miserable until she abandons the idea.

      Women with children often find the husband’s income needs to be supplemented and they find employment while the children are in school.

      Never would I suggest a mother “forsake her responsibilities in order to pursue careers outside the home.” There are ways to earn money without forsaking her responsibilities at all AND there are ways of saving money big-time without having to find outside employment. The latter was my specialty with raising 7 precious children plus home-schooling them on a VERY low budget!

      Please let me know if this missed the mark in answering your question!

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