Do you ever come away from spending time with another Christian feeling unsatisfied with the quality of fellowship? That you talked about sports and politics or cooking and kids but never really touched on deeper topics of the heart? Do you long for conversations to stray past the safety zone of general topics and delve into the war zone of the struggles that we face and the eternal truths that revive us? Are you afraid to cross those lines for fear of being too intrusive or too vulnerable? What should be the norm when members of the body of Christ get together?
1. It should be normal in the body of Christ to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16). Why are we reticent to admit that we are struggling with sin in our lives? Mothers may struggle with a complaining spirit. Dads may struggle with self-discipline. Teens may struggle with fears. No matter who we are we all stumble in our daily walk and need one another’s help to get up again. The Greek word used in James 5:16 for “confess” means to acknowledge something that is already true. The fact that all of us have to fight against sin in our lives is true so why don’t we stop hiding our secret battles and speak up about our needs?
2. It should be normal in the body of Christ to encourage one another (2 Corinthians 13:11). Encouragement means taking another person’s concerns seriously and giving her “courage” to keep doing what God wants her to do. When I acknowledge the validity of my friend’s struggle and come alongside her with God’s truth in word and action, I hold her hand in the battle against the world, the flesh and the devil. And I hope she will do the same for me.
3. It should be normal in the body of Christ to read the Bible together. Paul commands corporate Bible reading in 1 Thessalonians 5:27, but reading the Bible together doesn’t have to be limited to formal church gatherings. Bible reading can happen at backyard barbecues too. Opening God’s Word, reading a few verses and discussing them together ought to be as natural to Christians as talking about State of Origin football.
4. It should be normal in the body of Christ to pray together (James 5:16). How often do we tell a brother or sister “I’ll be praying for you” when we could just bring it before the throne of grace together on the spot? One of my most tender recollections of spiritual encouragement was when our family was on missionary deputation. Discouragement and insecurity must have been written all over my face as a grandfatherly figure approached me in the midst of the Sunday morning crowd. Putting his arm around my shoulders he simply prayed for me, committing my family and our needs to the Lord in prayer. Two minutes later he was gone. But that shaft of heavenly light warms me to this day. Prayer like that should not be unusual amongst the family of God.
Let’s leave our awkwardness and Aussie bravado behind. Let’s open our hearts to encourage and be encouraged. Let’s turn those coffee dates and backyard barbecues into moments of heavenly fellowship.
** Aussie Barbecue photo by Ladymaggic at Flickr
4 Comments
Kez
This is something I still struggle with so I really appreciated your post. I especially struggled with this as a young teenager. As PK’s, my siblings and I were often expected by some of the church my dad pastored to perform at a perfect level of spirituality. We were constantly watched for the slightest misdemeanor and either rebuked in person or dobbed in to our parents. Since more than half of the accusations were beyond ridiculous and usually unfounded, my parents were very good at shielding us from a lot of the whiplash from their condemnation and disapproval, but it still made it difficult to trust even those we considered friends enough to open up. It was frowned upon by these people for us to be struggling with anything. After all, we were PK’s and should already know the answers to every problem in life! Struggling with something indicated a problem with our spiritual life that needed instant correction. Cause everyone knows that sneezing in church (for example) shows disrespect for the sermon and invariably leads to rebellion which leads to rock music (or maybe it was rock music then rebellion?) which leads to sex and drugs and will land you smack bang in the middle of the infamous pig style of the Prodigal Son! And then you have to come back the hard way! =P
(That was the better scenerio. Worst case scenerio started with sneezing leading you to read a verse you shouldn’t have read while trying to recover the spot the preacher was preaching from which will probably make you wanna study into it and then you’ll slip into wrong Bible versions and/or land you right in the middle of Calvinism! And then everything is lost for good!! lol!)
Once after talking with a friend about a basic life issue (not Bible or theology related at all – not even music related!), her family actually left the church for good because I had given their daughter the honest truth of what I thought rather than the “diplomatic smile” and hyper spiritual “right” answer they wanted me to give her.
Thankfully, as I’ve grown older, I found with a little searching that there are a lot of people who are aware enough of God’s incredible grace in their own lives with their own struggles that they do not have any desire to condemn me over my own struggles. I’m still learning the refreshment and joy and “sense of family” that really talking and opening up with a Christian friend can bring. There’s something really special when two friends can bond over acknowledging their own weaknesses and reveling in the grace of our Heavenly Father and His rescue from those weaknesses!! And I’ve loved discovering that I don’t have to have the “right” answer to be able to be there for a struggling friend or encourage her. God doesn’t need me for the job so I don’t have to freak out that I might say the “wrong” thing and ruin His whole plan for me, my family, sixteen friends and some random stranger across the street. I can actually enjoy fellowship with my Christian friends now… I thank God every day for His grace and mercy in allowing me to learn to open up to others and not only be ministered to, but to minister as well… =)
Jane Gibb
Hey, Kez, that’s a lot of pressure to measure up to–sinless perfection. None of us can do that; Jesus died because we CAN’T measure up to that standard. Helping each other in our struggles to have pure hearts before God (not just pure on the outside) is so much what true Christian fellowship is about. Thanks for your honesty. May God pour out His grace on you as you give grace to others and receive grace from them in real fellowship.
Naomi Binstead
Thanks for your article, Mrs Gibb. I know in my own life, I always used to shy away from sharing my struggles with sin with other Christians, because I wanted them to like me, to thnk that I was spiritual, too, and I knew they wouldn’t if they knew what I was struggling with. But since having moved to a new state six years ago, and not having had fellowship such as you describe offered to me very often, I have come to appreciate it in a way I never did before. And even though I am ashamed to discuss certain sins and struggles with my friends and fellow church goers, when a person fellowships with me in the way you describe, I always receive a blessing. God is truly good to us, to use our realisation of our sins and our honesty about them, to be a blessing and an encouragement to others.
Jane Gibb
Naomi, thanks for sharing. Isn’t it sad how the fear of man keeps us from what we most need? When maintaining our “good girl” image becomes paramount, we lose so much of what our hearts really need. I think if we start being open about what’s really going on inside, we might find that others will be relieved and blessed by our honesty. And we can recruit them to pray for us and hold us accountable. God bless you as you pursue Him!