To be kind

We come to our sixth character trait of the younger women – kindness.   At first thought, I would think that most of us would describe ourselves as kind people.  However, is that how others would characterize us?  Is that how our husbands and children think of us?  And even more importantly, are we measuring up to God’s standard of kindness?   Kind…that’s a small word that holds a depth of meaning and it is no less significant than any of the other traits we find here in Titus 2.  While we are to be kind to all, our primary focus during this post will be showing kindness to our husbands and children.

Carolyn Mahaney, in her book Feminine Appeal, gives some very helpful insight into this topic of kindness.

• While kindness and goodness are often used interchangeably, it’s helpful to understand their definitions separately.

“Kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others.”

“Goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness.”  (Jerry Bridges)

• There are several hindrances to kindness:

Anger – “Expressions of anger reveal sinful desires in our hearts, cravings that are not being satisfied.”  When we are angry, we are saying that there is something that we want that we are not getting.  Sometimes our desires are not necessarily wrong.  The problem is that we want something more than we want to glorify God by being kind.  Having a clean house is not a wrong desire.  It is wrong when I desire that so much that I get angry at the children because they just tracked mud in on my clean floor.  I’m showing by my angry response that I value a clean house more than showing kindness to my children.

Bitterness – It has often been said that those who love you the most will also hurt you the most.  In our closest relationships there will be times of hurt and offense.  We must guard ourselves against harboring those hurts.  Harbored hurts quickly turn into bitterness.  How do we know if we are bitter?  If we are replaying the incident in our minds again and again or withdrawing from the relationship, we are most likely exhibiting signs of bitterness.  Instead we should reflect on the mercy that God has showed to each of us in forgiving us of our sins and be quick to show that same mercy to others.

Judging – Are we quick to look for the worst in others, to assume the worst of our husband and children?  “Sinful judging can wreak havoc with the desire for our husbands’ and children’s happiness; therefore, we must be vigilant in our efforts to resist this temptation.”  We need to think the best of our husband and children and not jump to hasty conclusions.

• Certainly there are many ways in which we can show kindness and goodness to our family.  Carolyn suggests five such ways:

Praying – No one knows the needs of my husband and children better than I do.  Who better then to pray for them than me?  We need to regularly be praying for our family – for their temptations, struggles, disappointments, and pressures, and need to encourage them by telling them that we are praying for them.

Greeting – “Our family members should be the recipients of our most enthusiastic greetings.  When they awake each morning, call on the telephone, or enter the house, this seemingly small act of greeting will go a long way to advance their happiness.”

Listening – “Taking a sincere interest in what our husbands and children desire to communicate is a primary way to bring them joy.”   It is important to remember that listening is more than just keeping quiet.  Listening requires our undivided attention.

Encouraging – “Daily we should bestow much more encouragement than correction or criticism.  We should be on the lookout for praiseworthy actions that glorify God and point out these evidences of grace to our husbands and children.  Specific encouragement of this kind will strengthen their souls and provoke them to godliness.”

Planning – We must be deliberate in our pursuit of kindness and goodness to our families.  Showing kindness doesn’t just happen.  We need to look for ways to show kindness individually to each member of our family.  Think about each person in your family – their likes and dislikes – and seek to do something even today to make them happy.

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