In his book Teach Them Diligently: How To Use The Scriptures In Child Training, Lou Priolo gives good advice for parents on the topic of spanking:
“…if you, like so many Christian parents I’ve known, are spanking your children without (simultaneously) ministering the Word to them, you are not spanking them biblically.” … “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)
Is spanking the only authorised form of discipline?
Priolo upholds that spanking is primary and is “the only specific means the Bible designates when it addresses the discipline of children.” But he emphasises that the Bible’s explanation of child training also includes communicating doctrine, bringing about conviction in the child, and correction (making things right), as well as discipline.
“Christian parents may, therefore, within the confines of Scripture use other forms of discipline to augment the use of the rod.” “Certain other forms of discipline that involve reward and punishment (accompanied by doctrine, reproof, correction and disciplined training in righteousness) may also be used in an ancillary fashion.”
Developing a biblically-based procedure for spanking
Here are selected guidelines from Priolo. The whole book is helpful reading.
Is your communication “always with grace”? “Unrighteous anger that leads to personal attack or animosity between you and your child has no place in biblical discipline.” “The anger of a man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20)
Does your child understand in biblical terminology how he has sinned against God? “You cannot solve a problem biblically until you first identify that problem using biblical terminology.”
Do you use a practiced and predictable method? Parents should never lash out or spank on a whim. Priolo directs such parents to the story of Balaam and the donkey, noting how Balaam struck the donkey 1) out of haste, 2) with a selfish motivation (the donkey embarrassed him), and 3) while out of control. Consistency is important in helping the child.
Spanking (properly applied) eventually becomes less necessary, while the biblical instruction, correction and training should increase as the child grows older.
In Australia, corporal punishment in the home is still legal. A 2007 Queensland survey reported that 71% of parents surveyed had smacked their children occasionally, and a 2006 survey found that 69% of the respondents agreed with the use of spanking. That said, I wonder whether Christian parents are properly applying both rod and reproof to their children?
Ben Kwok
8 Comments
Greg
I am in disagreeance with one particular part of this article, and would love to hear what others think. Why does the child need to understand “in biblical terminology”??? I personally think the jargon heavy ways of some Christians is a small part of what separates them from others in that NOT GOOD way….
Otherwise, I have to say yes, consistent punishment in love not anger is the best way, and spanking can have its place in this area.
PJ
Thanks for the article Ben, a good reminder and a good encouragement to exercise Biblical discipline – its easy to get sloppy in this area. I’m sure all parents struggle with consistency to some degree like I do!
I take Greg’s point, I think what is said to a child when they are disciplined very much depends on what they can understand. When they’re little, say 2-3 years old they simply need to understand “children obey your parents” – if they can get that truth locked in they’re very much on the way to having a proper attitude to all kinds of authority. As their understanding develops they can be introduced more and more to the “why” and the “how” – that informs Biblical discipline.
I personally worry about the parenting approaches that want to turn every discipline event (verbal or physical) into a spiritual/theological learning experience. I fear it can overburden and over-cook children in Christian homes.
A young child simply needs swift punishment performed lovingly, a short explanation (before & after) and then reassurance of love. The deeper reasons for disciplining and the spiritual lessons ought to come as the child matures and probably when they have outgrown the rod.
Robert Apps
I remember speaking to a Christian man who had 4 kids (all grown up) and serving Christ. they are all vibrant believers.
he said he never quoted the Bible or gave them scriptural admonitions when he disciplined. He said the offence was between him and his kids and that is how he dealt with it.
Ben Kwok
sounds odd, Rob! I assume there was sufficient instruction otherwise…
Steve
Good post Ben. As the father of a 3 year old and a 8 month old, I am very inexperienced and just beginning the journey with my kids, so it’s good to hear about practical ways to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
Alana
Rob,
How sad to hear that Scripture did not have a place in his disciplining of the children and that the offence was “just between him and the kids”. I hope that was not an example you were planning to imitate with your sons.
Peter M.
@Alana – I’m pretty sure I am one of the four children of the man Rob refers to in his comment and I can assure that the discipline I received prepared me exceptionally well for the life God had for me. I am in full-time ministry, all my siblings are active in ministry in their local churches and one has spent a significant period of time working with missionaries in a third-world country.
(Even if Rob is not referring to my father – his description of the disciplinary method the man employed is exactly how we were disciplined.)
The moral of the story is that the only book that definitely ought to be followed in disciplining children is THE book – and there is probably room for multiple methods in implementing what the Book says.
Jason Harris
Helpful discussion.
I was interested to see that Priolo believes spanking is necessary (as opposed to merely an appropriate option). I’d be interested in seeing a biblical case made for this.