Is “Submit” the Only Word We Can Say to Christian Wives?
She came to me cautiously. Clearly she was a woman distressed by her husband’s deep unkindness. Her story touched on pain, on fear, on confusion, on hatred. My heart ached with sympathy as her heart cried for help.
I responded to her cautiously. Clearly she needed the true counsel of God’s Word to salve her pain, her fear, her confusion, her anger. I feared offering her crumbs of worldly wisdom that would lead her away from the Saviour, from the truth that would set her free. In the end I told her what I knew although I discerned hopelessness in her eyes as my words failed to touch her need. My counsel could have been summed up in one word: submit.
One-Eyed Counsel
This one-eyed advice is the most oft given counsel for women in fundamental churches. Wives, submit. It’s the bottom line, the end of the story. The problem with one-eyed advice is this: it’s half blind. It fails to grasp the big picture, to capture a well-rounded perspective.
Under the reign of this Cyclops of submission teaching, wives have been trapped in miserably dysfunctional marriages. Cruel abuse terrorises wife and children who are required to submit without question to the whim of the man of the house. He uses the word “submit” like a scourge to dominate and control all that his wife and children do. And wives endure all this believing that God has one ultimate command for them: submit.
This is not to say that wifely submission is a concept to be avoided. Nor is it my purpose to undermine the importance of submission in the marriage relationship. On the contrary, I hope to sharpen our understanding of submission as it fits into the tapestry of God-given revelation. Biblical submission is gloriously beautiful when it plays its part in the whole counsel of God. But when submission trumps all other injunctions, it threatens to betray us to its distorted focus. We who teach the Bible do wives an injustice when we imply that submission is the only word for Christian women. Here are some cautions to consider when teaching about wifely submission:
1. Does our teaching mostly focus on what we have to do, or does it focus more on Who it is we worship? Do we magnify “good examples” or do we lift up the person of God when we teach? Are we constantly striving to give our listeners a clearer, more complete picture of the God whom we serve? Or do we imply that Christians can never measure up even though Jesus paid it all for us? And beyond what is taught in the pulpit and classroom, do we as teachers provide our students with an honest picture of living faith in the God we teach? Do our actions and reactions demonstrate that God is full of grace and truth? Do we reflect both his justice and mercy in the way we handle relationships? Can we run to Him because we are sure of His love while fearing Him because we are sure of His holiness? If we teach that the Christian life is more about what we do and less about Who we worship, then we are setting up our listeners for failure. A warped understanding of God will surely lead to a warped understanding of biblical submission. Trying to submit without certainty in the loving and perfect purposes of our infinite God will lead to despair.
2. Do we understand who we are in God’s sight—not only His unique creation but also His particular redeemed ones? Is our identity well-grounded in the fact that we are “called, loved by God the Father and kept by Jesus Christ”? (Jude 1) Is every day filled with awareness of what it cost God to give us freedom from sin? When we truly begin to grasp the gospel in the larger sense of who we are in relation to God, we also begin to grasp the deep seriousness of our sin. With this backdrop of truth, sin in our own lives and in the lives of our loved ones can be tackled more meaningfully. We will refuse to brush it off or put up with it because sin cost God the life of His much loved only Son.
3. The concept of submission must be taught in the context of all the other relational texts in the New Testament: love one another fervently, encourage one another, exhort one another, etc. Remove the context of the wider teaching of Scripture only at great peril to Christian families!
“Doing Good” Does Not Equal “Being Nice”
Luke 6:27 tells us to “do good to those who hate [us]”. Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous woman as one who does her husband good and not harm. What does “doing good” to another entail? The word itself implies blameless, noble and beautiful actions toward another. We often think of ‘doing good” only as “being nice”, but “good” doesn’t always equal “nice”. Sometimes being nice is simply a way to avoid conflict; niceness can mask fearful self-preservation. The motivation of self-preservation may interfere with doing what is best for a person when doing good to that person requires taking action that that person won’t like. Especially when that action may lead us into unpleasant or even painful conflict. But our hope as we walk into the conflict is that true good may come out of pain.
This kind of doing good cannot mean letting an abusive person continue in his abusive patterns. A woman who allows her husband to continue in destructive abusive behavior is far from doing him good. He is self-destructing while also destroying his family and any relationship that he has with God. A wife who enables that behavior by silently “submitting” to it sins against her husband and against her children (if children are involved). By refusing to properly deal with the issue of abuse, she fails to “do good” to him by not confronting him about his sin. However, a wife who takes the risk of lovingly confronting her husband about his sin not only truly seeks his good but also demonstrates courageous faith. This kind of courage is one of the chief characteristics of women who are called “Sarah’s daughters” in 1 Peter 3:6: “And you are [Sarah’s] children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
How the Church Can Help
When an abused person confronts her abuser, she places herself in a dangerous position. She cannot be expected to tackle such a situation alone. A support group such as her church family can help her fulfil her role to “do good” to her abusive husband by coming alongside her with encouragement and even being actively engaged in the process of confrontation and restoration. Galatians 6:1 addresses this issue: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” An abused wife who is seeking help should be assured that
1. Her story will be believed and she will be accepted as she is.
2. There is a safe place where she can escape to when things get out of control at home.
3. People are praying for her and her husband.
4. Godly men in the church will be willing to gently confront the husband about his sin, repeatedly and over a long period of time if necessary.
5. Counselling is available for both husband and wife to help the husband be “restored” to genuine fruitfulness and for the family to be restored to healthy relationships. This includes helping the wife face her own spiritual needs.
Only the Gospel Heals Broken Lives
Following these steps towards confronting an abusive husband is not failure to submit. It is seriously taking the whole counsel of God and applying it to family relationships. Unlike the teaching of some, the ultimate goal is not for the family to maintain the appearance of unity. The ultimate goal is for the gospel to be applied to broken people and broken relationships so that in our weakness God can be glorified. And if the marriage doesn’t make it in spite of all the support, the wife should not become a pariah because she didn’t just keep her head down and put up with the abuse. She has done the right thing by seeking help for herself, for her children and for her husband. To have done otherwise would have been to fail to love her family and to do them good.
If we are to do justice to the whole message of the Scriptures, then we cannot allow the topic of submission within marriage to be taught without these caveats. Submission is not the only word we have to offer Christian wives. We have the entire revelation of the inspired Scriptures and the Saviour by Whose stripes we are healed.
Looking Beyond the Juniper Tree!
Have you ever felt like you cannot go on? Have you ever experienced the weights of despair, discouragement and disappointment? Do you ever wonder if there is anybody left who actually cares for your plight? If any of these questions ring true in your heart than you understand to some degree the experiences of the powerful prophet Elijah. There he sits under the desert Juniper shrub having personally experienced one of the greatest evidences of God’s power in history, and he is discouraged to the point of desiring death. How does a great man of God who is known for his life of prayer, miracles and his appearance at Christ’s transfiguration get to this low point in his journey of faith?
The answer to this question above is found in numerous Bible passages; 1 Timothy 3:12 ‘Yea and all who will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.’ Hebrews 12:3 ‘For consider Him that endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.’
Men and women who dedicate themselves to the cause of Christ will never live far from the neighbourhood of suffering. Adoniram Judson was such a man; he lived from 1788-1850 and was a pioneer missionary to Burma. An extremely intelligent boy who had learned to read at the age of three, and was fluent in Latin and Greek at the age of 10. Adoniram graduated from Andover Theological Seminary as the valedictorian of his class. One day during a morning chapel at Andover, Adoniram, was challenged by the words of Mark 16:15 ‘Go ye into all the world.’ In 1810 he helped to form the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, and, two years later, he and his new wife, Ann, sailed for India. Upon his arrival to India, the government refused him entrance and so they went and worked in Burma for 6 years before winning a single convert. During those years they were plagued with ill health, loneliness, and the death of their baby son. Judson was imprisoned for nearly two years, during which time Ann faithfully visited him, smuggling to him his books, papers and notes, which he used in translating the Bible into the Burmese language. Soon after his release from prison, Ann and their baby daughter, Maria, died of spotted fever. Judson withdrew into seclusion into the interior, where he completed the translation of the entire Bible into Burmese. In 1845 he returned to visit America, but the burning desire to win the Burmese people sent him back to the Orient, where he soon died.
The Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 2:3 ‘Thou therefore endure hardness , as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.’ ‘Endurance’ in this verse is an imperative not a suggestion or idea to consider. As good soldiers of Jesus Christ we must endure because He endured. There are times where we are tempted to simply throw our hands up in despair and give up. There are times when the mountain ahead seems too steep and the valley below appears too deep. It is at this point that I must re-affix my eyes on Christ because the mountain is only too steep and the valley too deep when I have redirected my gaze from Christ to the raging waters below.
Dear friend reading this simple blog; I know this to be true in my own life (even though I am most guilty of taking my eyes off Christ). This past month has been the most difficult that I have faced in the 21 years of my walking with God. I have lost my Father to a heart attack without certainty of his eternal destination. I have lost great ministry opportunities because the church which I now attend does not meet the approval of some men. I have lost many ‘friends’ who now will not associate with me because of my stand on certain ‘issues’ and I have furiously battled with the desire to simply quit based upon the ‘Christianity’ (or lack thereof) that I have seen in others.
However, I find myself in these dark moments peering beyond the Juniper tree and beyond the desert and beyond the slough of despair, and I see ever so slightly the glimmer of the celestial city. At this point, I find myself with Pilgrim (of the Pilgrim’s Progress) arising and pressing on toward the heavenly city. Will you join me as we come out from under the desert shrub and continue on the journey in spite of the hardships?
A Weary Soldier (but still fighting!)
Pastoring Your Street
As we reach the end of the year, you may be invited to one of many block parties and community Christmas celebrations. If not, then why not create one? These events can be a lot of fun to relax and connect over a cool beverage.
In an ever shrinking window, society takes a break from work to contemplate ‘peace on earth’ and ‘goodwill towards men’. As skewed as Christmas reflections have become, it is a season when we can engage our neighbours in conversational topics of a richer nature. While in the past, this may have occured at church, in our post modern, most of our neighbours will not go to church, let alone know a pastor or a serious thinker of spiritual things. Therefore, it is incumbent upon us to take up our responsibility as pastors to our street.
In most culdesacs or street clusters, there are an average of 5-7 households within a stone’s throw of your front door. But how much do we know about the people in those homes, let along their names? Whether it be Christmas, hedonistic New Years, or Australia Day, let’s set ourselves a goal of getting to know our neighbours better. We may be the only pastor they will ever meet. Just like God, we want the entire world to come to a saving knowledge of Jesus. However, that can only happen if we get out there. The most natural people we can meet and be responsible for are the people who live right next door.
So this end of year season, enjoy connecting with your neighbours. Be genuinely interested in them as people. And pray that as you connect, God will naturally lead you into conversations that are rich and eternally rewarding.
Blessings
- JC
Bible Reading: Pick Your Plan for 2012
Personal Bible reading can be a glorious adventure or a guilt-burdened duty. Choosing a Bible reading plan that fits your life may be part of the key to finding delight within the pages of the Old Book.
Have you ever read through the whole Bible in a year? For me, this strategy for Bible reading has blossomed and borne fruit as year builds onto year. Although this Bible reading plan can sometimes be burdensome, reading the whole Bible every year provides a solid foundation for understanding other Bible teaching and for personal growth. Every Christian who is literate enough should attempt this several times throughout his lifetime. After all, if God’s Word is the basis for the Christian life, shouldn’t we at least read it from cover to cover?
Through-the-Bible reading plans are easily accessible online, and readers can choose to read straight through (three chapters a day), to read through chronologically, or to read selected portions designed to get them through the whole book in twelve months. Reading through the Bible chronologically is my personal favourite. I love reading the history alongside the poetry and prophecy that grew out of that history as well as reading the epistles in light of the books of Acts.
If the whole Bible in one year is too daunting, how about settling for a shorter segment of the inspired Word? Try focusing on just the New Testament or the poetry. Another approach is to read key Bible passages to give yourself a Bible overview. This is especially good for people who are unfamiliar with the Bible as a whole and might get bogged down with all the details of reading the whole Bible in a year. Alternatively, try a one-book-in-a-year intensive. One year I selected the book of John and read it several times through – sometimes fast, sometimes slowly, sometimes intensely taking notes, sometimes just engaging with the narrative in my imagination. That experience enriched my life for years afterwards. Someone has suggested that the book of Proverbs (with 31 chapters) is perfect for taking one chapter a day to finish the book in a month. Imagine how well you’d know Proverbs if you did that for twelve months!
Another consideration is which version to read. What might deviating from your preferred version do for your appreciation and understanding of God’s Word? I had spent years reading the KJV and NKJV so when I switched to the NIV I really appreciated the more natural English flow and modern syntax. When reading the ESV, dynamic vocabulary translation choices unfolded fresh perspective on passages I’d read for decades without catching a particular shade of meaning. With teaching ESL children’s Bible classes, I have dabbled in the NLT, but next year I think I’ll tackle the whole translation. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be so exciting that I’ll be speed reading through the whole book several times next year.
You don’t have to buy a special Bible to start a special reading plan, but you can. John Macarthur has published a daily reading Bible with notes, and there are many other varieties of the same idea on the market. You can search at Koorong or Amazon for more options. My 10 year old son has been using the NLT One Year Bible for Kids, which is based on the key passages idea of Bible reading. Highly motivated by concrete goals, he likes the idea that he can tick off each day’s reading right in the Bible as he goes along. If you don’t want to buy a purpose-driven Bible, you can read it online or get it by RSS feed, or have it sent to your iPhone. Of course, if you’d rather have a paper reading plan (I do), you can print one from an internet site or buy one at the Christian bookshop or find one on the back table at your church in the Daily Bread. (Make sure you look up and read the Bible texts and don’t just settle for the interesting story in the little booklet!)
Here’s a fresh idea. Do you have an heirloom Bible that you have marked with special moments you’ve shared with God? How about laying that aside for a year, buying a cheapie paperback, and crazily marking it with notes, underlining and colouring with abandon? You won’t be distracted by all the sermon notes you’ve already put in that heirloom edition. You’ll have clean, fresh pages that no one but you and God ever need to see. Psalm 27 may not appear in the right column half way down the left page like it does in your other Bible so you’ll have a chance to think about the Psalm differently when you read it in another position on the page. At the end of the year you will have a record of your personal journey through the Scriptures and better still a less deliberate, more intuitive grasp of what God is saying in those pages. Then you can go back to your heirloom Bible next year.
Whatever you choose to do with your Bible reading, choose something. Don’t leave personal Bible reading to chance. What ideas do you have for Bible reading in 2012?
The scandals of that silent night
Silent night, holy night…
The song brings to mind images of moonlit fields and starry skies; shepherds laughing around a cosy fire; an awestruck husband and a contemplative new mum. We’re warmed as we recount the comforting joys of that night so long ago. Our hearts become settled, peaceful, serene…
But underneath the serenity were some ugly realities. For starters, the common notion among family friends and relatives was that Joseph was the dad. Jesus was—in their eyes—an illegitimate child. If there is any stigma to that in our day, it must be magnified a thousand times for us to understand the scandal behind the serenity of this quiet night.
But this scandal pales into insignificance compared to the horror of the second scandal, for on this idyllic night, Jesus was born, a spring of life among a sea of infant corpses. The children born in the months before and after this night would soon be slaughtered at the hand of an angry king simply for their proximity to the events of this serene night.
And if the second was more horrible than the first, the third scandal drowns them both in triviality, for the greatest scandal of this silent night is that God himself, in human flesh, lay wrapped in burial clothes at his birth, thus foreshadowing the day when man would execute the God-man as a criminal.
The ugliness underneath this serene night—far from destroying the beauty of its serenity—makes this night what it was. On this night, God became flesh, and lived among us! God stepped into our world to bear the weight of the curse just as we do, to struggle under the stigma of shame, to feel the sting of loss, to walk alongside us as we live out our exile here.
And we saw his glory. It was the glory of God’s only son. And he was full of grace and truth. That this silent night was right in the middle of scandal and struggle is what makes it so wonderful, for it was into that darkness that God shined the light of his son bringing hope to all peoples in all times.
May your Christmas be blessed. May your worship be joyful.
Grace to you.
Free Books!
I put this giveaway up a while ago but never got around to selecting the winners. So I’ve decided to give you one more chance to sign up before I randomly select the three winners and post out the books in time for your New Years reading.
If you entered it before, you are free to enter again to double your chances of winning. Entries close tomorrow (20 December) at noon.
Grace to you.
I have on my desk three copies of McGrath’s In The Beginning to give away in celebration of the 400th anniversary of the King James Version.
I read this book several years ago and found it well-written, informative, and enjoyable to read. The following is taken from the back cover of the book:
In the sixteenth century, to attempt to translate the Bible into a common tongue wasn’t just difficult, it was dangerous. A Bible in English threatened the power of the monarch and the Church. Early translators such as Tyndale, whose work greatly influenced the King James, were hunted down and executed, but the demand for English Bibles continued to grow. Indeed it was the popularity of the Geneva Bible, with its anti-royalist content, that eventually forced James I to sanction his own, pro-monarchy, translation. Errors in early editions—one declared that “thou shalt commit adultery”—and Puritan preferences for the Geneva Bible initially hampered acceptance of the King James, but it went on to become the definitive English-language Bible. This absorbing history of a literary and religious masterpiece explores the forces that led to the decision to create an authorized translation, the method of translation and printing, and the central role this version of the Bible played in the development of modern English.
Here are the giveaway rules: You must be able to provide an Australian shipping address if you win. Three winners will be chosen randomly. Winners will be notified by email.
[NOTE: If you are reading by email or RSS, you may need to click through to the site to see the entry form for the draw.]
