Be a Learner

Taking interest in a new topic deepens appreciation for people different from yourself.  I have never been interested in what happens inside a fitness centre, but my husband encouraged me to give it a go.  Stepping through the doors and becoming involved inside the gym has increased my willingness to listen and learn more.  How God has made the human body to thrive and how He gives people knowledge to understand it!  If we want to increase in wisdom, let’s be willing to learn things outside of our natural interests.  We will likely discover that God’s handiwork is evident in that subject area too.

A wise man will listen and increase his learning,?and a discerning man will obtain guidance.  Prov.1:5 

Alone We Groan; Together is Better

Going to the gym with a friend sweetens the whole experience for a reluctant exerciser.  In my case, I frequented the gym with my exercise-loving husband Steve.  Those killer workouts with our personal trainer Mary became dates to anticipate with excitement.  Working out with Steve to share the sweat and Mary to encourage us through her torturous routines provided not only motivation but also appreciation of the fellowship of fitness fanatics.  Without the two of them to urge me along, quitting would have been the inevitable outcome.  Not only was it fun to share the workouts, but we also shared the pain of recovering muscles.  It’s not just inside the gym that we need encouragement and fellowship.  Outside the gym too we need others to help us through the tough times of life, sharing our sorrows and joys and keeping us from quitting.

“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor.”  Ecc. 4:9

“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” Heb. 10:24 

Falling is not the End

Falling off the treadmill doesn’t have to end your fitness commitment.  You may fly ungracefully off the end of the treadmill and seriously bruise your dignity (or something more solid).  I did.  But it would have been a far worse consequence for me to give up training after that moment of terror and humiliation.  Ironically, falling off was the very thing I have always feared about that relentless machine.  But I found out that I could face my crushed dignity and my fear and get back on the treadmill the next day and the next, applying what I had learned in my moment of inattention for more successful treadmill experiences.  Failure in life is no different.  It gives us a chance to evaluate our mistakes and our weaknesses and try again by the grace of God.

“For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again.” Prov. 24:16

 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Heb. 12:12-13 

Sore for More

Soreness is not always bad.  I’ve always been a wimp about sore muscles, but working out with Steve and Mary has taught me to appreciate those mornings when I could hardly lift my arms or pick up the dirty clothes from the floor.  That pain meant I had burned fat and strengthened muscles.  It meant the workouts were changing me.  In a similar way, God uses the aches of our hearts to change us for His glorious purposes.

“For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.”  2 Cor. 4:17

Harder Work Now; Sweeter Rest Later

5. The pleasures of life are better enjoyed when you have worked hard for them.  After the self-torture of a serious workout, I really feel like I’ve earned that smooth protein shake and hot shower.  Sleep is sweeter after decent exercise.  Similarly, the joys of heaven will be brighter for those who have patiently worked hard at the rigours of faith.  They are the ones who will hear their Lord say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

“There remains a sabbath rest for the people of God. . . . Let us therefore strive to enter that rest.” Heb. 4: 9, 11

Simply Does It

Getting fit and strong does not have to involve fancy equipment.  Most of our workouts involved little more than a few weights and a little floor space.  Exercise routines were surprising simple.  Simple but not easy.  Walking on all fours up and down the length of the gym, pausing only for sit-ups or push-ups or jumping jacks, requires only my own body and plenty of determination. It felt like going back to school for PE again, but those workouts turned my arms and legs to jelly and tested the limits of my cardio endurance.  Sometimes we can think that becoming Christlike involves comprehending complex theology and multiple layers of frantic activity.  The truth is that it’s the simple things like having a prayerful heart, hanging out with others who love to talk about Jesus, and soaking myself in God’s Word that are moving me towards a deeper walk with God.  It’s  really that simple.

“As newborn babies want milk, you should want the pure and simple teaching.  By it you can mature in your salvation.”  1 Pet. 2:2

Open your eyes to God’s pointers in the thumbnail images of your life.  What arena of life is God giving you in 2012 in which to grow in your understanding of Him?

She came to me cautiously.  Clearly she was a woman distressed by her husband’s deep unkindness.  Her story touched on pain, on fear, on confusion, on hatred.   My heart ached with sympathy as her heart cried for help.

I responded to her cautiously.  Clearly she needed the true counsel of God’s Word to salve her pain, her fear, her confusion, her anger.  I feared offering her crumbs of worldly wisdom that would lead her away from the Saviour, from the truth that would set her free.  In the end I told her what I knew although I discerned hopelessness in her eyes as my words failed to touch her need.  My counsel could have been summed up in one word: submit.

One-Eyed Counsel

This one-eyed advice is the most oft given counsel for women in fundamental churches.  Wives, submit.  It’s the bottom line, the end of the story.  The problem with one-eyed advice is this: it’s half blind.  It fails to grasp the big picture, to capture a well-rounded perspective.

Under the reign of this Cyclops of submission teaching, wives have been trapped in miserably dysfunctional marriages.  Cruel abuse terrorises wife and children who are required to submit without question to the whim of the man of the house.  He uses the word “submit” like a scourge to dominate and control all that his wife and children do.  And wives endure all this believing that God has one ultimate command for them: submit.

This is not to say that wifely submission is a concept to be avoided. Nor is it my purpose to undermine the importance of submission in the marriage relationship.  On the contrary, I hope to sharpen our understanding of submission as it fits into the tapestry of God-given revelation.  Biblical submission is gloriously beautiful when it plays its part in the whole counsel of God.  But when submission trumps all other injunctions, it threatens to betray us to its distorted focus.  We who teach the Bible do wives an injustice when we imply that submission is the only word for Christian women.  Here are some cautions to consider when teaching about wifely submission:

1.  Does our teaching mostly focus on what we have to do, or does it focus more on Who it is we worship?  Do we magnify “good examples” or do we lift up the person of God when we teach?  Are we constantly striving to give our listeners a clearer, more complete picture of the God whom we serve?  Or do we imply that Christians can never measure up even though Jesus paid it all for us? And beyond what is taught in the pulpit and classroom, do we as teachers provide our students with an honest picture of living faith in the God we teach?  Do our actions and reactions demonstrate that God is full of grace and truth?  Do we reflect both his justice and mercy in the way we handle relationships?  Can we run to Him because we are sure of His love while fearing Him because we are sure of His holiness?  If we teach that the Christian life is more about what we do and less about Who we worship, then we are setting up our listeners for failure.  A warped understanding of God will surely lead to a warped understanding of biblical submission.  Trying to submit without certainty in the loving and perfect purposes of our infinite God will lead to despair.

2.  Do we understand who we are in God’s sight—not only His unique creation but also His particular redeemed ones?  Is our identity well-grounded in the fact that we are “called, loved by God the Father and kept by Jesus Christ”? (Jude 1)  Is every day filled with awareness of what it cost God to give us freedom from sin?  When we truly begin to grasp the gospel in the larger sense of who we are in relation to God, we also begin to grasp the deep seriousness of our sin.  With this backdrop of truth, sin in our own lives and in the lives of our loved ones can be tackled more meaningfully.  We will refuse to brush it off or put up with it because sin cost God the life of His much loved only Son.

3.  The concept of submission must be taught in the context of all the other relational texts in the New Testament: love one another fervently, encourage one another, exhort one another, etc.  Remove the context of the wider teaching of Scripture only at great peril to Christian families!

“Doing Good” Does Not Equal “Being Nice”

Luke 6:27 tells us to “do good to those who hate [us]”.   Proverbs 31 describes the virtuous woman as one who does her husband good and not harm.  What does “doing good” to another entail?  The word itself implies blameless, noble and beautiful actions toward another.  We often think of ‘doing good” only as “being nice”, but “good” doesn’t always equal “nice”.  Sometimes being nice is simply a way to avoid conflict; niceness can mask fearful self-preservation.  The motivation of self-preservation may interfere with doing what is best for a person when doing good to that person requires taking action that that person won’t like.  Especially when that action may lead us into unpleasant or even painful conflict.  But our hope as we walk into the conflict is that true good may come out of pain.

This kind of doing good cannot mean letting an abusive person continue in his abusive patterns.  A woman who allows her husband to continue in destructive abusive behavior is far from doing him good.  He is self-destructing while also destroying his family and any relationship that he has with God.  A wife who enables that behavior by silently “submitting” to it sins against her husband and against her children (if children are involved). By refusing to properly deal with the issue of abuse, she fails to “do good” to him by not confronting him about his sin.  However, a wife who takes the risk of lovingly confronting her husband about his sin not only truly seeks his good but also demonstrates courageous faith.  This kind of courage is one of the chief characteristics of women who are called “Sarah’s daughters” in 1 Peter 3:6: “And you are [Sarah’s] children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

How the Church Can Help

When an abused person confronts her abuser, she places herself in a dangerous position.  She cannot be expected to tackle such a situation alone.  A support group such as her church family can help her fulfil her role to “do good” to her abusive husband by coming alongside her with encouragement and even being actively engaged in the process of confrontation and restoration.  Galatians 6:1 addresses this issue: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”  An abused wife who is seeking help should be assured that

1.  Her story will be believed and she will be accepted as she is.

2.  There is a safe place where she can escape to when things get out of control at home.

3.  People are praying for her and her husband.

4.  Godly men in the church will be willing to gently confront the husband about his sin, repeatedly and over a long period of time if necessary.

5.  Counselling is available for both husband and wife to help the husband be “restored” to genuine fruitfulness and for the family to be restored to healthy relationships.  This includes helping the wife face her own spiritual needs.

Only the Gospel Heals Broken Lives

Following these steps towards confronting an abusive husband is not failure to submit.  It is seriously taking the whole counsel of God and applying it to family relationships.  Unlike the teaching of some, the ultimate goal is not for the family to maintain the appearance of unity.  The ultimate goal is for the gospel to be applied to broken people and broken relationships so that in our weakness God can be glorified.  And if the marriage doesn’t make it in spite of all the support, the wife should not become a pariah because she didn’t just keep her head down and put up with the abuse.  She has done the right thing by seeking help for herself, for her children and for her husband.  To have done otherwise would have been to fail to love her family and to do them good.

If we are to do justice to the whole message of the Scriptures, then we cannot allow the topic of submission within marriage to be taught without these caveats.  Submission is not the only word we have to offer Christian wives.  We have the entire revelation of the inspired Scriptures and the Saviour by Whose stripes we are healed.

Have you ever read through the whole Bible in a year?   For me, this strategy for Bible reading has blossomed and borne fruit as year builds onto year.   Although this Bible reading plan can sometimes be burdensome, reading the whole Bible every year provides a solid foundation for understanding other Bible teaching and for personal growth.  Every Christian who is literate enough should attempt this several times throughout his lifetime.  After all, if God’s Word is the basis for the Christian life, shouldn’t we at least read it from cover to cover?

Through-the-Bible reading plans are easily accessible online, and readers can choose to read straight through (three chapters a day), to read through chronologically, or to read selected portions designed to get them through the whole book in twelve months.  Reading through the Bible chronologically is my personal favourite.  I love reading the history alongside the poetry and prophecy that grew out of that history as well as reading the epistles in light of the books of Acts.

If the whole Bible in one year is too daunting, how about settling for a shorter segment of the inspired Word?  Try focusing on just the New Testament or the poetry.  Another approach is to read key Bible passages to give yourself a Bible overview.  This is especially good for people who are unfamiliar with the Bible as a whole and might get bogged down with all the details of reading the whole Bible in a year.  Alternatively,  try a one-book-in-a-year intensive.  One year I selected the book of John and read it several times through – sometimes fast, sometimes slowly, sometimes intensely taking notes, sometimes just engaging with the narrative in my imagination.  That experience enriched my life for years afterwards.  Someone has suggested that the book of Proverbs (with 31 chapters) is perfect for taking one chapter a day to finish the book in a month.  Imagine how well you’d know Proverbs if you did that for twelve months!

Another consideration is which version to read.  What might deviating from your preferred version do for your appreciation and understanding of God’s Word?  I had spent years reading the KJV and NKJV so when I switched to the NIV I really appreciated the more natural English flow and modern syntax.  When reading the ESV, dynamic vocabulary translation choices unfolded fresh perspective on passages I’d read for decades without catching a particular shade of meaning.  With teaching ESL children’s Bible classes, I have dabbled in the NLT, but next year I think I’ll tackle the whole translation.  Who knows?  Maybe it’ll be so exciting that I’ll be speed reading through the whole book several times next year.

You don’t  have to buy a special Bible to start a special reading plan, but you can.  John Macarthur has published a daily reading Bible with notes, and there are many other varieties of the same idea on the market.  You can search at Koorong or Amazon for more options.  My 10 year old son has been using the NLT One Year Bible for Kids, which is based on the key passages idea of Bible reading.  Highly motivated by concrete goals, he likes the idea that he can tick off each day’s reading right in the Bible as he goes along.  If you don’t want to buy a purpose-driven Bible, you can read it online  or get it by RSS feed, or have it sent to your iPhone.  Of course, if you’d rather have a paper reading plan (I do), you can print one from an internet site or buy one at the Christian bookshop or find one on the back table at your church in the Daily Bread.  (Make sure you look up and read the Bible texts and don’t just settle for the interesting story in the little booklet!)

Here’s a fresh idea.  Do you have an heirloom Bible that you have marked with special moments you’ve shared with God?  How about laying that aside for a year, buying a cheapie paperback, and crazily marking it with notes, underlining and colouring with abandon?  You won’t be distracted by all the sermon notes you’ve already put in that heirloom edition.  You’ll have clean, fresh pages that no one but you and God ever need to see.  Psalm 27 may not appear in the right column half way down the left page like it does in your other Bible so you’ll have a chance to think about the Psalm differently when you read it in another position on the page.  At the end of the year you will have a record of your personal journey through the Scriptures and better still a less deliberate, more intuitive grasp of what God is saying in those pages.  Then you can go back to your heirloom Bible next year.

Whatever you choose to do with your Bible reading, choose something.  Don’t leave personal Bible reading to chance.  What ideas do you have for Bible reading in 2012?

 Toxic leaders.  The topic frequently pops up in both secular and religious news.  Undeniably, toxic leaders even flourish within fundamental churches and organizations.  Kenneth Gangel’s book, Surviving Toxic Leaders, answers two main questions: what does toxicity look like and how should people under toxic leaders respond effectively. The author was uniquely qualified to contribute to this discussion.  His obituary (2009) states, “Dr. Gangel was one of the most influential Christian educators of the 20th century; a leader of leaders; and a champion of the Christian family. Kenn authored or edited 57 books and lectured in more than 40 educational institutions worldwide.”  His educational credentials also include three master’s level seminary degrees and an earned PhD in educational administration.  His resume marches through administrative posts in many institutions including Dallas Theological Seminary and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School.  All this to say that the author of this book is familiar with leadership issues within Christianity and within his own heart.  He knows what he is talking about.

Surviving Toxic Leaders is somewhat of a Christian angle on Jean Lipman-Blumen’s explosive book, The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians—and How We Can Survive Them (2005).  Gangel refers frequently to this book throughout the pages, and perhaps his book is best understood by those who have read Lipman-Blumen’s work.  Not having read Lipman-Blumen’s work myself, however, I still found Gangel’s book helpful.  At 91 pages it is an easy weekend read although I found the style a bit choppy.  The number of real life stories and outside quotes certify both the widespread poison of toxic leadership and our need for real answers.

The bulk of the book discusses nine characteristics of toxicity.  His inclusion of dishonesty, inordinate ambition, cruelty, bullying, and autocratic behaviour as toxic behaviours were no surprise.  These are flaws that anyone would consider toxic to an organisation.  However, Gangel also holds leaders accountable for less aggressive or manipulative leadership failings: incompetence, laziness, ignorance, and the pitfalls of fame.  While cruel words and bullying tactics leave wounds for all to see, a reckless, know-it-all Christian leader seeps toxicity throughout the organisation by his failure to be a humble and teachable team player.  The book employs not only true examples but also biblical stories to flesh out the concepts that Kenn is trying to describe.  He makes it clear that even though a leader may not be intentionally toxic, the effect on those he leads is just as devastating as if he had premeditated every cruel tactic.

The last two chapters turn to the second question: how should people under toxic leadership respond?  Should they just put up with a less than desirable situation?  Should they directly challenge abuses and force a change?  Should they quietly influence change without tackling the beast head-on?  Should they just walk away?  In line with Galatians 6:1, Gangel’s first suggestion urges each person to examine himself for toxicity as “the easiest route to change.”  Once a person recognises toxicity in himself, the battle is already half done.  I suppose that is why he devotes the majority of chapters to identifying toxicity.  He wants those who live under toxic leadership to examine themselves.  He offers three humbling points for people who want to self-detox.

1.  Publicly admit any behavior which has caused your people hurt or discouragement.

2.  Ask for forgiveness and trust, and make someone you trust a monitor of your public behavior.

3.  Be patient.  Change within yourself and within the church takes time.

If you have ever worked under a toxic leader, however, you know that the self-detox scenario is a rather optimistic expectation if you can even get your toxic leader to acknowledge the book.  In the last chapter, Gangel outlines both a suggestion for getting rid of a toxic leader as well as helpful tips for those who believe they should weather the storm with patience.  In tossing out a leader, he recommends a kind of “resistance movement” made up of courageous people who believe “that leadership and true democracy is open to all” and are willing to risk their future in the organisation in the hope of change.  In other words, try this idea only if you have a well-thought out Plan B if things go awry.  “The trick requires promoting constructive conflict and preventing dysfunctional conflict.”  On the other hand, Gangel suggests that an equally courageous route is to stay put until you “clearly understand that God has finished with you in that place.”  While encouraging  his readers that God may be using that difficult situation for their own growth in Christlikeness, Gangel also presents a couple of cautions to those who consider this option.  For example, cooperating with a toxic leader does not mean that a person must sacrifice his creativity or become involved in unethical behaviour.  Disappointingly but not surprisingly, there are no easy answers when handling toxic leaders.

Many books on spiritual abuse are written to those who want inner healing from abusive leaders.   Kenn Gangel provides the Christian community with a less self-focused **model for recognising and dealing with toxic leaders.  I found this angle particularly helpful as it removed many of the more painful aspects associated with spiritual abuse so that I could more objectively think about toxic leadership as a problem to be recognised and dealt with rather than a disease to recover from.  It also helped me analyze my own leadership style and work towards detoxing my own problem areas.  Interestingly, the book is dedicated to Gangel’s son-in-law, “who has served more than enough time under the abuse of toxic leaders.”

I think that some who read this post could say that of themselves too.

** That’s not to say that I don’t believe that books that explore an abused person’s need for recovery are not helpful and necessary.  Dealing with hurt and damage caused by spiritual abuse is absolutely essential, but Gangel’s book is not designed to deal with those issues.  If you are looking for reading for a soul damaged by abuse, I recommend Soul Repair by VanVonderen, Ryan and Ryan.

 In C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters, the older devil Screwtape advises his nephew Wormword about developing worldliness in humans as a work of time.  In the first section of the letter, he chides Wormwood for his failure to ensnare his “patient” (human victim) with the kind of worldly sins that probably flash into most Christian’s minds at the mention of the word “worldly.”

He has escaped the worldly friends with whom you tried to entangle him; he has “fallen in love” with a very Christian woman and is temporarily immune from your attacks on his chastity; and the various methods of corrupting his spiritual life which we have been trying are so far unsuccessful.

Wormwood’s patient lives in London during the German bombing blitz of WWII.  Since he has volunteered as an air raid warden, his safety is increasingly at risk while he is “forced to attend to his neighbours” and is “taken out of himself” by his volunteer work in the war effort. Apparently the young devil Wormwood has taken undue delight in the human suffering caused by the nightly bombings, forgetting that the ultimate devilish goal is to ensure that humans end up in the “kingdom of our Father” (hell) and not in the Enemy’s eternal world (heaven).  Screwtape urges his nephew that the death of his patient at this time – while “his worldly hopes take a proportionately lower place in his mind, . . .and [he is] daily increasing in conscious dependence on the Enemy” – will most certainly mean that Wormwood loses him forever.

If, however, the patient survives the war, Screwtape has another tactic in mind. He advises:

 . . .you have time itself for your ally. The long, dull monotonous years of middle-aged prosperity or middle-aged adversity are excellent campaigning weather [for devils trying to tempt humans]. You see, it is so hard for these creatures to persevere. The routine of adversity, the gradual decay of youthful loves and youthful hopes, the quiet despair (hardly felt as pain) of ever overcoming the chronic temptations with which we have again and again defeated them, the drabness which we create in their lives and the inarticulate resentment with which we teach them to respond to it – all this provides admirable opportunities of wearing out a soul by attrition. If, on the other hand, the middle years prove prosperous, our position is even stronger. Prosperity knits a man to the World. He feels that he is “finding his place in it”, while really it is finding its place in him. His increasing reputation, his widening circle of acquaintances, his sense of importance, the growing pressure of absorbing and agreeable work, build up in him a sense of being really at home in earth which is just what we want. . . .

 This is worldliness of a different sort.  More insidious than the glare of a more visible worldliness, it seeps into our souls as we grow tired of waiting for the promised heavenly reality of God’s unveiled glory and eternal satisfaction in Christ.  Screwtape advises that the “difficult task of unraveling [human] souls from Heaven and building up a firm attachment to the earth” is aided by time – and lots of it.  He states, “Real worldliness is a work of time – assisted, of course, by pride, for we teach them to describe the creeping death [being at home in the world] as good sense or Maturity or Experience.”

It is this brand of worldliness that goes unnoticed in many Christian circles.  While we rant about worldly dress, worldly music, worldly friends and worldly movies, we forget that worldliness is also a comfortable state of mind that has lulled us into living as though this life is all there is.  This is true even where our comforts are “spiritual” activities as long as these activities are replacing real hunger for our ultimate union with Christ.  We can become comfortable in our safety zones “away from the world” while the world has found a comfy resting place in our very souls through complacency and self-satisfaction.

That “friendship with the world” is something for a Christian to avoid is undeniable (James 4:4).  The question is, “What do worldly lusts (Titus 2:12) look like?”  Lewis describes it as the “creeping death” and “a sense of being really at home in earth.”  How do you define worldliness?

Psychotic and unpredictable, the Joker’s one goal is to throw the city into anarchy with his cruel tactic of psychological games coupled with complete disregard for human life.  The Joker’s thugs capture Harvey Dent along with Harvey’s one true love, Rachel.  In a sadistic move, the Joker forces Harvey’s friends to choose between saving Harvey’s life or that of the girl he loves.  In the ensuing terror, Rachel dies and Harvey’s face is deeply burned.  Heartbreak torments Harvey’s soul.  He refuses treatment for his scars. And then the Joker visits. He convinces Harvey, already half-mad with despair, that his revenge should be against the very city that he has fought to save.  His mutilated face an outward image of the horror within, Harvey proceeds to kill a string of people whom he believes responsible for Rachel’s death before putting his own life to an end.  His true friends, Batman and Police Commissioner Gordon, both witness Harvey’s killing spree and suicide.  Together they decide that the people of Gotham cannot afford to know that their “White Knight” finished up as a bad guy.  Batman offers to take the blame for the murders, and Commissioner Gordon makes a public tribute to Harvey’s unblemished image as the one man who courageously fought for truth and right in Gotham City.  The people get to keep their symbol of hope albeit at the expense of truth.  Kind of ironic that the hero of justice is preserved in a lie.

I’ve seen the Harvey Dent solution at work in Christian organisations too.  A well-loved missionary or pastor, a “white knight” of God’s work, is caught in a sin—perhaps financial mismanagement or immorality. In handling this awful situation, the church should face up to the frailty of its hero, deal with the sin appropriately, urge him to confess and repent, and seek to restore the fallen brother to a growing relationship with God though not to his former leadership role.  Instead, some churches practice “damage control” by protecting the image of the fallen leader as if his followers cannot bear to see their “white knight” fail.  It may involve laying the blame at the feet of someone or something else or moving the hero to another ministry or another creative cop-out.  All this is justified under the guise of saving the testimony of the church or organisation ostensibly for the sake of Christ.  But how can Jesus Christ, the Truth, be glorified by the manipulations of the spin doctor?

Although saving face at the time may seem to minimise damage, in the long term cover-ups come back like a hidden cancer cell.  Instead of going away quietly, churches and organisations have had to deal with accusations from people hurt by cover-up even decades down the track.  Instead of applying the gospel of grace to our failures, we magnify men and their work more than the work of Jesus Christ who died to free us from such sinful catastrophes.  Offenses will happen.  How we respond to those offenses reveals our understanding of gospel truth and mercy.  Even the Biblical record truthfully recounts sinful failures of our heroes of the faith: Abraham’s lie, David’s adultery and murder, and Moses’s anger, to name a few.  The gospel is not just for saving; it is for keeping too.  When we whitewash failure, we deny that gospel truth.

Why do we lift up leaders in our churches as if they have a corner on Christianity that the rest of us can only wish for?  What can we do to create a Christian culture where it is safe to fail?  How can we nurture transparency in relationships all the way from kids in Sunday school to the pastor in the pulpit?  How can our responses to sin flesh-out the truth that God’s grace not only touches our weakness and failures but is purposefully tailored to our humanness?

The Harvey Dent solution merely puts a bandaid and makeup on a tumour that resides deep within–a tumour for which there is an authentic cure.  The gospel of grace is the cure, made available through our real hero, the Lord Jesus Christ.

I was a good kid in high school. I sought to have personal devotions since elementary school and had a genuine desire to do right and please God. I am thankful for two wonderful, godly parents. As I progressed through high school I was generally well respected and even looked up to among my peers. I received several positions of student leadership within my Christian school and was able to use those positions to influence those around me in a positive way.

 I am thankful for the training I received from my Christian education. I learned about hard work and discipline. I learned about teamwork and leadership. Most importantly I learned much about who God is. The person I am today is due in large part to the influence those years had on my life.

Latent Legalism

Despite my sound Christian background and solid upbringing, one area of weakness in my life that I see now only in retrospect was an attitude of legalism that pervaded my mindset. It was a mindset that told me that my acceptance before God was determined by my performance. I didn’t really need to be taught to have this mindset. Nobody really does. We are all in one way or another latent legalists at heart, thinking that we can somehow earn our way into God’s good graces by the things we do or don’t do. Most people would never actually say it that way, and I don’t think I would have myself. However, my attitude towards God and a continual feeling of guilt betrayed my words. One area in particularly where I struggled with legalism was in the area of confession of sin.

Legalism as applied to confession is a belief that my acceptance before God hinges upon my ability to confess or upon my feeling of remorse. I remember spending large portions of my devotion time “doing confession.” I felt like I couldn’t move on to Scripture reading or prayer unless I had confessed all my sin and done so with a proper attitude of repentance. I felt like I wasn’t right with God if I hadn’t confessed properly. I also felt like I was powerless to do ministry. If I was about to sing in church or give a testimony, I needed to make sure that I didn’t have any un-confessed sin in my life. I also couldn’t call out to God for help in witnessing unless my sin account was short, kept that way by my confession.

And I was right in this line of thinking, wasn’t I? After all the Bible says that if we “regard iniquity in our hearts the Lord will not hear us.” This must mean that I cannot come to God in prayer with sin in my heart. I must deal with it first. Also, everyone knows the classic passage on confession, I John 1:9: “If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Confession of sin is a prerequisite for forgiveness, isn’t it?

This way of thinking and relating to God left me with continual turmoil in my soul. I could never seem to confess every sin and even if I did I would commit another in no time at all.  To add to my guilt, I rarely felt remorse or a feeling of repentance as I thought I should.

When Law is Big and Grace is Small

By God’s grace, I began to see my error in this attitude towards confession. The first problem was that my view of sin was too small. I had subconsciously reduced sin to a list of dos and don’ts that could be remedied simply by confessing them to God. In reality my sin was much bigger than this. It permeated every part of me causing even my supposed righteous deeds to be worthless in the eyes of God. It went far beyond my actions to the very core of my being. Sin wasn’t something I simply did; it was who I was. Surely, confession had no power against sin when viewed in this light, and my guilt continually reminded me of this fact.

My second problem was that my view of Christ and his blood was also too small. The ever-present feeling of turmoil and condemnation revealed that I didn’t really believe that Christ had sufficiently dealt with my sin. I needed to add my own work, the work of confession, in order to cause Christ’s righteousness to apply to my account. In short, my problem was that I saw my own human effort as the solution to my sin rather than the blood of Christ.

The ultimate solution to these problems was a better understanding of the gospel. I needed to accept by faith that God has truly placed my sin away from him as far as the east is from the west. I needed to realize that on my worst days of sin and failure God accepts me because I am clothed in Christ’s righteousness. I needed the doctrine of justification, and I needed it in heavy doses.

Still Feeling Guilty?

However, what was I to do with the sin that still weighed on me every day? And how was I to deal with confessing that sin? For those of you who may feel the same way let me offer several brief thoughts:

1.  Remember Jesus’ teaching about the letter of the law.

At one point in Jesus’ ministry he allowed his disciples to pick grain to eat on the Sabbath day. When the Pharisees questioned him about what they viewed to be a breaking of God’s law, Jesus replied by saying, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” Jesus’ point was that the Sabbath was meant to be a blessing to man not a curse. The Pharisees had taken what God had intended to be a day of peaceful rest and turned it into something people dreaded. I think we can also rightfully say that confession was made for man not man for confession. I believe God’s intention for confession was that it be a blessing to us by bringing us back to the only true place our sin can sufficiently be dealt with. Don’t allow the blessing of confession to become something you dread.

2.  Allow confession to be the servant of a broken and contrite heart.

By this I do not mean that we must wait to confess our sins until our hearts are properly contrite. I simply mean that God is far more concerned with our hearts than in our outward forms of confession. He knows that sometimes all we can do is weep because we do not weep over our sin and mourn because we are not broken like we desire to be.

 3.  Remember that confession is only as good as the extent to which it brings us into contact with the Savior.

While many of us know I John 1:9 by heart and can recite its instruction to confess our sin, perhaps comparatively few of us recognize how significant are the verses following. I John 2:1-2 says, “But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.” This is the entire foundation for 1:9. This is the reason why God can forgive us and “cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Without Christ bearing the wrath of God in our place, we would be under wrath. Without Christ’s continual intercession on our behalf we would stand condemned. Yet, Christ has borne God’s wrath for us and he does continually intercede for us! Confession is simply the means to bring us back to a proper recognition and appreciation of these truths.

Magnify God’s Grace

I cannot end without briefly making a plea to those who preach and teach and lead ministries. Please be careful how you deal with the topic of confession. In my experience (and perhaps this is due to my specific circles), teaching on confession is primarily man-centered rather than God-centered. I don’t believe this should be the case. Urge people to deal with their sin and keep short accounts with God, but never divorce it from the teaching of God’s grace that even makes this possible. Don’t allow a culture in which the only type of openness people know before God or others is just as oppressive as a Catholic confessional booth. In all your teaching and leadership focus on the glory and mercy of the gospel and allow the Spirit of God to apply those truths specifically to each life.

I am extremely thankful for the work of God in my life during my journey in the realm of confession. It’s a journey I’m still on. Along the way I have had to come face to face with fundamental errors not just in how I viewed confession but also in the way I viewed and believed the gospel. To quote one of my favorite songs, I had to ask myself the following questions: “Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace?” Maybe you need to ask yourself the same questions.

Spiritual Addiction, Part Two

This is not a post about Halloween and what I think about it.  Suffice to say, it’s definitely my least favourite American tradition, and I’m being deliberately moderate in my comment. I bring up Halloween because I want to make a connection between the surreal world of Halloween spooks and what it does to the gullible, and the diseased world of distorted theology and what it does to the spiritually addicted.  What we believe to be true solidly impacts our behaviour whether it is actually true or not.  Last week I described spiritual addiction as the inability to feel good about my relationship with God unless I ritually fulfill certain spiritual practices. If you need to catch up with this post, please read Feeling Guilty, Feeling Good.

Ghoulish Theology 

A little child who through Halloween propaganda begins to believe that spooks could live under her bed, that headless horsemen may ride through the woods on a blustery night, and that dead people arise from forgotten graves will demonstrate changes in her behaviour.  Bedtime will be frightening instead of comforting, a moonlit stroll among the trees will be a walk of terror and backward glances, and nighttime graveyards will be  zealously shunned for the unspoken horrors that lie there waiting to drag her in their nightmarish underworld.  All these terrors are almost laughable to a rational, educated adult.  We know that the ghouls which frighten her are only in her imagination.  But the child experiences sweaty palms and heart palpitations and manages her actions carefully because she truly believes the bad guys will get her if she doesn’t watch out.  Similar terrors afflict those whose understanding of God, self and Christian living has been twisted by distortion of true theology.  Here are some of the distorted spiritual concepts that hold spiritual addicts captive:

1.  A distorted view of God.  Spiritual addicts worship a god who withholds his approval unless certain criteria are met.  I’ve heard more than my fair share of sermons from “fundamental” pulpits that either imply or state outright that certain kinds of surrender or behaviours “make God happy.”  The huge unspoken implication in those statements is that God is not happy unless we meet a set of performance goals—church going, personal ministry, devotional goals, etc.  We misrepresent the gospel by presenting a god who scowls and crosses his arms waiting for us to prove ourselves to him.  On the contrary the gospel clearly teaches that Jesus Himself already satisfied the wrath of God for those who believe.  The God of the true gospel is the Father who ran to meet the prodigal, swept aside the son’s offers to pay his own way back into the family business, and showered him with the garb and feast of an honoured guest.  Why are we still trying to appease him by all our exhausting self-exertion?  By doing so, we reject His grace and love.  Jesus says to the weary, “Come and rest.”

2.  A distorted view of ourselves.  Spiritual addicts are deceived into thinking that their worth lies in what they do.  They knock themselves out trying to win approval by their spiritual performances.  The liberating truth is that our worth lies not in what we do but what has already been done for us.  “He made us accepted in the Beloved” (Ephesians 1:6).  The word “accepted” can also be translated “lovely”, and the entire statement is plainly in the past tense.  Because of Jesus Christ the Beloved One, we are already lovely in His sight.  Our worth rests in His loveliness and perfection; we have nothing to prove.  Cease striving and believe.

3.  A distorted view of Christian living. The idea that we can satisfy our souls by doing the right stuff drives spiritual addictions.  “If only I could pray enough . . . if only I read my Bible more . . . if only I can be involved in more ministry. . ,” we lament as we strive to reach spiritual maturity.  But Jesus cries out to us, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” (John 7:37-38)  By soaking our souls in His person, we position ourselves for genuine growth not guilt-driven rituals.

Hope for the Hurting

Dear thirsting soul, if you are addicted to the broken cisterns of spiritual performance that can never quench your yearning for spiritual authenticity, open your eyes like Hagar of old and see the well of living water that can deliver you from dehydration of the soul.  Refuse to entertain the never-satiated ghouls of trying harder, and rest in the Lovely One.  Step back from your spiritual compulsions and take time to bask in the fullness of His unconditional love and mercy.  When you have drunk long and deep from the One who freely offers Living Water, then the liberating satisfaction of your soul will spill over, blessing others with authenticity and grace.

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out,  ”If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ’Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.”  John 7:37-38

 Spiritual addiction.  It’s the idea that I can’t feel good about my relationship with God unless I ritually fulfil certain “religious” duties.  In this particular lady’s case, her addiction was public repentance—a classic “altar athlete.”  She was obsessed with experiencing a certain kind of emotion in order to make her feel right with God.   For other people their spiritual aberration can take the form of certain private obligations—a set amount of prayer time, the compulsive need to pray through every item on a prayer list, having to be at church every time the doors are open regardless of other responsibilities, robotically ticking off devotions on the daily list of to-do’s.  Another kind of spiritual addiction is the pressure to be always right, to win every religious argument and have all the “right” answers.  What makes these behaviours addictions is not the behaviours themselves. Some of them are excellent spiritual disciplines and necessary means of grace.  But when they are cast in an unhealthy frame of ritual obligation, they can be symptoms of a diseased soul.

 Ask yourself a few questions to discern whether a spiritual behaviour has become an addiction.

 1.  Does unwarranted guilt follow my failure to perform the spiritual task?  For example, if I must stay home with a sick child instead of going to church, do I feel compelled to apologise and explain to cover my “failure.”  Or if my prayer time doesn’t go as planned, do I blame negative outcomes on my shortcomings in prayer?  If a witnessing opportunity didn’t result in scoring watertight arguments, do I feel hopelessly defeated?

2.  Is the obsessiveness of my spiritual behaviours destructive to normal relationships?  If church must come first–no matter what—will a family crisis be improperly managed in order to meet my addictive compulsion to be at church regardless of other real needs.  In high school I had a friend whose mother literally fasted and prayed in her bed for weeks.  Imagine the impact on her family of her being missing-in-action in her motherly role all that time!  That spiritually addictive behaviour was a destructive force in her family.  A healthy relationship with God will bear the fruit of healthy relationships with others.

3.  Do toxic levels of anxiety rise in my soul when I am unable to “get my fix”?  Do I worry about God’s acceptance of me and what other people are thinking about me if I don’t comply with my urges to perform certain spiritual acts or produce certain kinds of emotional responses such as weeping in prayer?  That kind of anxiety is what I observed in the nervous behaviour of the lady who didn’t get a chance to “go forward” at the end of our church service.

4.  Is the law of diminishing returns at work in the process?  In other words, when current levels of spiritual activity fail to produce the desired effect, do I feel the need to do more and try harder in order to feel good spiritually?

Do you see yourself in these addictive patterns?  Do you have a friend who struggles with spiritual obsessions like these?  Contrary  to the thinking of some, feeling guilty does not equal feeling good in a healthy Christian life.  False guilt will lead to false fruit rather than a Spirit-empowered, faith-filled obedience.

Next week, we’ll discuss the distorted theology that drives spiritual addictions and hope for healing of the soul.

**If you would like to read more about spiritual addiction, I recommend the book Soul Repair by VanVonderen, Ryan and Ryan.

“Some people here in our church think we are becoming too liberal in our music.  We’ve started using some of the newer hymns by the Gettys and Sovereign Grace Music in addition to the stuff we’ve always sung from our hymnal.  What do you guys do in your church?”

“Well, in our church we actually use music from a lot of different sources with varying styles,” Bill replied.  “Some of the newer songs have great theological content, and our congregation enjoys singing them.  The young people especially relate to the more contemporary styles.”

“Yeah?  Well, I’ve been having some disagreement with my own kids about music,” Dan confessed.  “My fifteen-year-old son Jared especially is rebelling against the rules that I’ve put in place in our home.  He hardly talks to me any more.  I want him to keep the music standards that we have always followed, but he wants to listen to CCM.  Do you let your kids listen to CCM?”

“As a matter of fact, we do.  We give them liberty to choose music that they find edifying and that encourages them in their walk with God.  As a family, we keep the discussion open about what nourishes our souls and clearly reflects God’s truth, and let our teens make their own decisions about music.  We ask lots of questions and so do they as we sort through how to honour God with our music choices.  I’m sure that we aren’t always right, but at least our teenagers are talking to us as we all grow in grace together.”

“Really?  I’ll have to think about that.”

Fast forward a few weeks . . .

“Bill, you wouldn’t believe what happened!”  Dan’s face glowed with excitement.  “After thinking through what you said, I decided to risk changing the music rules at home.  I gathered my family together for a little talk and told my children that I had been wrong in my attitude towards them by being demanding and judgmental.  On the grounds that they are preparing to leave home and make their own choices anyway, I gave my children permission to listen to whatever music they like.   I asked them to choose songs with edifying lyrics and to be respectful in the way they play the music around others who may not share their musical taste.  To prove my sincerity, I handed Jared a CD.  ‘Son, I want to give you your first Casting Crowns album,’ I said.  Unbelievably his eyes welled up with tears as he took the CD in his hand.  The change in my heart was big to him.  Going into his room together, we listened to some tracks on the new CD.  As I laid aside my prejudices, God even used that music to speak to me.  Communication between Jared and me has relaxed so much, and his rebellious spirit is melting into openness.”